Friday, January 27, 2012

What had happened was...



I’m Jess. I am a Fatty McFatterson and I am miserable.

Recently, with the helpful motivator that is B, I have decided to do something about it. I’ve struggled with  my weight my entire life. When I was 12 years old and in the 7th grade I weighed in at 209 lbs and was 5 feet 7 inches tall, same height that I am now. That’s a lot for a kid, it’s a lot for an adult male. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, I was pretty shy and no one wants to be friends with a fatty. Kids being kids and all that.

So at 12 years old I started taking Phentermine. It’s pretty much speed in a capsule. I was living in Alabama and once a month my mom would drive me over to Mississippi to get it from a less than legit doctor. I went from 209 lbs in August of that year to 144 lbs right after Christmas break. That’s 65 lbs in 4 months. That’s not healthy guys when you just take a pill and there's no exercise or healthy eating to back it up.

I loved the pill. It made you have tons of focus and energy and not hungry at all. My grades impoved and I forgot to eat. For days at a time. Literally. One day when I was at school walking up the stairs to go to my science class I passed out on the stairs. I came to with my best friend holding a muffin in my face and the history teacher, Mr. Boatwright, cradling my head. My friend was shouting at me “EAT SOMETHING! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! YOU MUST EAT!”

I eventually got down to about 125 lbs and could wear a size 6. I was kind of skeletal and not cute. My parents got worried and made me start eating. I evened out at about 140 lbs. That suited me. I stayed at that weight until I moved here to NC. Where I apparently ate myself and expanded at an exponential rate. It started because my weekends consisted of me eating Ben & Jerry’s and a frozen pizza and part of a tube of raw cookie dough while I read Cosmo and lamented about all the sex I was never going to have (I was also 15 and in my head I was slutty and in life I was extremely pure). I didn’t have friends, I had to entertain myself-don’t judge.

Even after I got friends I still spent a lot of time eating fatty foods. My parents never really cooked fresh veggies and stuff. It was always sloppy joes and spaghetti. Frozen pizza and fast food. So I got bigger and bigger. By the time I was 18 I was in a size 14 and less than 2 years later a size 18 wasn’t fitting anymore. Now, at 28 I am a size 22/24 and weight ...a lot.

I wish I had unique reason to have gained so much weight, but I don’t. If I’m bored I eat. If I’m sad I eat. If I’m happy I eat. If I’m stressed I eat.

The only good thing about this, is that as much as I LOVE baking treats for friends and family, I’m not a big sweet eater. I love fruit and veggies. The problem is, I am lazy. It’s so much easier to go out and pick up Chinese or a Whopper on the way home than it is to cut, sautee, simmer, and puree your way through the dinner making process.


Weight loss is a life-style change. A very hard one. Finally, I am committed to changing my life in order to better it. I am tempted to find a doctor and request a prescription for Phentermine again. It's very very tempting for me. First though, before I resort to that I want to change my ways. You can't just take a pill and expect your life to change. If I were to get on it, I couldn't be on it my entire life. So I have to change my daily habits first.

I’m going to make mistakes. I am going to back slide. I am going to question my resolve. I am going to cry, whine, and make my husband go crazy. I am also committed to succeeding this time too. Also, with the help of this blog, I will have a support group. Women who are going through the same thing that I am. I’ve never had that before. So let’s get started.


Oh and you can find my non-weight loss blog over at Simple Musings

18 comments:

  1. I do not ever, ever mess with pills. They have all sorts of wacky side effects that really scare me. I really hope that when I get older I don't have to have 10 bottles of pills like other members of my family do. That scares me more than anything about death and getting older.

    But we'll be here to help you. There's no short cuts, but we're not those kind of girls. :-)

    Glad I could motivate you to do something about your weight, sweetness. <3

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    1. I do not advocate weight loss pills, simply because I met a woman who had lost over 100 pounds on pills, then had a heart attack - at 22. The doctors informed her that the pills had hurt her heart the same way cocaine does. She's still thin now, but she does it the healthy way.

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    2. I spoke with my doctor about the pills the other day about how I used to take those pills when I was a kid and she told me something that makes so much sense. She said it pretty much jacks your liver, which I knew when I was young, and she said that's probably one of the reasons why I can't drink alcohol anymore. It just doesn't process it the way it should because of the damage I inflicted on it from 12 to 15. I had no idea that a med taken that long ago could have such lasting consequences...

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  2. I can relate so much to your childhood/teen years. That was me.

    I think you have the determination and motivation to do this on your own without the help of pills. You also have a great support group ;)

    I loved this intro; you are so honest and open. That's what we need!

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  3. I've always been scared to death of trying anything other than 'healthy food and excercise'. Sounds like your eating habits were a lot like mine.. not so much sweets but a lot of fast food and processed junk. The good news is, cooking CAN be fun and enjoyable when you have time to do it. I've really enjoyed seeing the money I've saved as well by not buying lunches and dinner a lot.

    I'm glad to see how realistic you are too.. there will be setbacks and getting off-track.. it's SO important not to beat yourself up about them. You can do this!

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    1. I have really enjoyed cooking the past few weeks. And I've been able to find lots of really tasty recipes that are healthy and quick so I'm not in the kitchen for hours!

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  4. That sounds like a rough road. I also hate the word diet and all that. It sounds like a temporary fix. To maintain a weight you need to maintain how you live. Great post and happy weekend!!

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  5. It's not only laziness ... I mean, it's EXPENSIVE to eat healthy. I don't know how mnay times friends and I have discussed that nowadays, if you want Taco's, for instance, it's so much more AFFORDABLE to just go buy Taco's from a fastfood joint. Fruits and Veggies are sometimes the most expensive items in the grocery store and it's just RIDICULOUS!! You have already made a giant step in initiating a healthy lifestyle, I have complete faith that you will complete this journey!

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    1. I've been in the same boat. It is cheaper to eat the overly processed junk they sell. I've taken a stand and refuse to buy pre-packaged food now-a-days. While I spend more money at the store, I feel better about my choices. Another thing I am trying: growing my own veggies. Having never been able to keep plants alive before, this will be a challenge for me but in the long run, hopefully a cost saving way to get fresh food on the table.

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  6. I really love this blog already, thanks for sharing your story.

    I can relate to the eating when bored,happy,sad or because it would be bad to throw it out.(I am not in need of losing weight)....BUT I hope with this blog I learn healthy eating habits...what are veggies again?!

    Hope you haven't had any other bad medical effects from that pill.

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  7. Coming from a pharmacy background, (I was a Certified Pharmacy Technician for 15 years), and as a person who has also been on Phentermine, I would advise against it. It's one of those things that once you stop, it's really hard to keep the weight off.

    Like you said, being healthy and losing weight is a lifestyle change. You don't need a pill that is essentially, speed, to change your life. We're all here for support and we all have little tips & tricks to share, I'm quite certain. I also agree with what azia said 100%. It really is expensive to eat healthy a lot of the time. It sucks, but it's true. I search for bargains, myself and try to plan meals around what's on sale.

    I'm so glad you shared your story and that we're on this mission of being healthy, together. Love you lots, girl!

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  8. Diet pills are so bad for you its nuts. As with everyone else I can relate also. I think for the most part most people can relate.

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  9. Don't get back on those pills! They will do more damage than good. Plus, it's easy to become addicted. And that's not good either.

    All you need is the support of the people around you, and determination.

    Good luck!

    GM x

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  10. Good for you...it is awesome how realistically you are looking at things too - knowing you will backslide and being prepared for it. Very important, because usually that is the undoing right there. Good luck to you! Looking forward to updates!!

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  11. The pill thing is sooo dangerous. I hope you don't do it. I think it's great that you found B here on Blogger and now have a support group to help you get through this. Losing weight is so hard because we have to eat to live and when we have to make something like that "the enemy" it's painful. And when we attach comfort to a particular food, we feel like we've not only lost the taste of something we love, but we've lost the comfort it provided. Best wishes on the journey ahead!

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  12. I stumbled upon this blog a few days ago and I have to say: WOW!! I am inspired and encouraged by all of your stories. I too am trying to get to a healthy weight and make major lifestyle changes! Good luck to you all! I look forward to following your journey and cheering you on your successes!

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  13. Se Puder,

    Vote no ANTENA PARABÓLICA? É só clicar na lateral no nome do Blog.Estou concorrendo em 6 categorias

    http://bestblogawards-superidolos.blogspot.com/2012/01/votem-no-best-blog-awards.html

    Beijos

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  14. good luck with your new goals :)
    it very hard to change anything like that in your life!

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