What had happened was...

I’m Jess. I am a Fatty McFatterson and I am miserable.

Recently, with the helpful motivator that is B, I have decided to do something about it. I’ve struggled with  my weight my entire life. When I was 12 years old and in the 7^th grade I weighed in at 209 lbs and was 5 feet 7 inches tall, same height that I am now. That’s a lot for a kid, it’s a lot for an adult male. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, I was pretty shy and no one wants to be friends with a fatty. Kids being kids and all that.

So at 12 years old I started taking Phentermine. It’s pretty much speed in a capsule. I was living in Alabama and once a month my mom would drive me over to Mississippi to get it from a less than legit doctor. I went from 209 lbs in August of that year to 144 lbs right after Christmas break. That’s 65 lbs in 4 months. That’s not healthy guys when you just take a pill and there's no exercise or healthy eating to back it up.

I loved the pill. It made you have tons of focus and energy and not hungry at all. My grades impoved and I forgot to eat. For days at a time. Literally. One day when I was at school walking up the stairs to go to my science class I passed out on the stairs. I came to with my best friend holding a muffin in my face and the history teacher, Mr. Boatwright, cradling my head. My friend was shouting at me “EAT SOMETHING! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! YOU MUST EAT!”

I eventually got down to about 125 lbs and could wear a size 6. I was kind of skeletal and not cute. My parents got worried and made me start eating. I evened out at about 140 lbs. That suited me. I stayed at that weight until I moved here to NC. Where I apparently ate myself and expanded at an exponential rate. It started because my weekends consisted of me eating Ben & Jerry’s and a frozen pizza and part of a tube of raw cookie dough while I read Cosmo and lamented about all the sex I was never going to have (I was also 15 and in my head I was slutty and in life I was extremely pure). I didn’t have friends, I had to entertain myself-don’t judge.

Even after I got friends I still spent a lot of time eating fatty foods. My parents never really cooked fresh veggies and stuff. It was always sloppy joes and spaghetti. Frozen pizza and fast food. So I got bigger and bigger. By the time I was 18 I was in a size 14 and less than 2 years later a size 18 wasn’t fitting anymore. Now, at 28 I am a size 22/24 and weight ...a lot.

I wish I had unique reason to have gained so much weight, but I don’t. If I’m bored I eat. If I’m sad I eat. If I’m happy I eat. If I’m stressed I eat.

The only good thing about this, is that as much as I LOVE baking treats for friends and family, I’m not a big sweet eater. I love fruit and veggies. The problem is, I am lazy. It’s so much easier to go out and pick up Chinese or a Whopper on the way home than it is to cut, sautee, simmer, and puree your way through the dinner making process.

Weight loss is a life-style change. A very hard one. Finally, I am committed to changing my life in order to better it. I am tempted to find a doctor and request a prescription for Phentermine again. It's very very tempting for me. First though, before I resort to that I want to change my ways. You can't just take a pill and expect your life to change. If I were to get on it, I couldn't be on it my entire life. So I have to change my daily habits first.

I’m going to make mistakes. I am going to back slide. I am going to question my resolve. I am going to cry, whine, and make my husband go crazy. I am also committed to succeeding this time too. Also, with the help of this blog, I will have a support group. Women who are going through the same thing that I am. I’ve never had that before. So let’s get started.


Oh and you can find my non-weight loss blog over at Simple Musings.