Friday, March 30, 2012

Mmm Pineapple

I had a great week. My puking was gone, a distant memory from last week. I'm sure it'll be back-it's still so early. This means I was able to eat normally- even though I am much pickier than I've ever been in my life. I'm not skipping meals like I used to. Lunch for me was always, maybe I'll eat but probably not. 

Believe me, if you're around me, you want me to eat. I get super bitchy when denied food now and I'm not used to this at all. If you read my other blog, you'll also know that sometimes I cry when I can't have the food that I want. Something wonderful happened too, I seem to get slightly queasy when I think about eating sweets. 

Guys, my blueberry (he's a blueberry this week) isn't a fan of the sweets apparently. At least not right now. For that, I am thankful. What I do want, by the truckload, is fruit. I went through an entire fresh pineapple in a day. I destroyed a fruit tray someone brought into work. I have plans to go to the grocery store tonight with the intention of just getting fruit for my car riding food tomorrow. 

That's another thing- I'm going on vacation- leaving in the morning. We're driving from jolly NC to Binghamton, NY tomorrow from there we'll be going to Albany, NYC, Boston, Providence, and Salem. All in a week. Driving everywhere. So yeah, I'm going to need car snacks. Usually this means I stock up on chips, sodas, and honey buns. So now I'm going to be loading up on bananas, apples, a pineapple my darling hubby gets to carve up for me, and water- lots of water. And not gonna lie, a little caffeine free diet coke- I can't go cold turkey on my diet coke man. Sounds like we're going to be making a LOT of stops for me to pee. 

Wish me luck on my adventures next week. I'll be wandering around lovely cities and I'll be constantly exposed to temptations on the food front. I do have plans for pizza from Big Nick's Burger and Pizza Too next Thursday. We'll be getting that- most definitely- I haven't had it since our honeymoon (over 3 years ago) and it was the best pizza I've ever had. Besides, I figure I'll be walking off a lot of calories. 

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Straight outta the food diary: Sugar, Sugar, Sugar

In another eye opening food diary entry, I decided to keep track of the sugary goodness that I consume. I read in an article online that the average person consumes 2-3 pounds of sugar each week. I thought that this couldn't possibly be me. I'm not a sugar fiend! Or at least that's what I told myself.

You see, I'm in love with cookies. It really should be a meal for me since I eat them so much. I'm not sure how I managed to lose 10 pounds when it seems like every other day or I have a cookie or some kind of cakey thing in my hands.

For example: I was sitting at my desk on Monday, and one of the executive admins at my job ran out of her meeting with a tray full of cookies/truffles. (My job is a truffle kind of job). Not one or two of them wrapped up in a napkin. An actual tray. Why couldn't it have been a tray of sushi?

Anyway, I politely declined the cookies and went back to work. A few hours later, another meeting got out and they had more cookies. (We had a ton of big meetings this week). I declined it again, but my resolve was slipping.

Someone eventually just left a plate of two cookies out near my desk and I ate them. On a Monday morning, no less. Oh well. I wrote it down and kept it moving. No guilt here!

But they did cost me 30grams of sugar each. So, I had 60 grams of the dreaded sugar before the day even started. Oy.

I did rather well the rest of the week with only minor amounts of sugar and other goodies. I'm starting to go back to just eating veggies and chicken. It's the only thing that makes me feel energized the entire day and can make me feel like I won't nod off at my desk.

The moral of the story here is keeping track of everything works, AND I'm learning more by closely monitoring what I put in. This is exhausting work, but it's a project well worth undertaking. It's for my health, afterall.

In body news, my clothes are starting to feel a bit more lose around the waist and bust areas. That's progress. :-)

Until next time.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

NSV time!

For those who may not be familiar with the term, NSV is an acronym that means "Non-scale victory". An NSV is basically something that shows you what kind of progress you are makin, progress that might not be reflected in the numbers on the scale.

Moved down a notch on your belt? That's a non-scale victory.

Ran a block without getting winded? Did a full sit up? Those are non scale victories.

Finally saw your feet for the first time in years? NSV baby!

NSV's are an important thing to recognize and celebrate, because let's face it.. Sometimes those numbers on the scale don't move fast enough for our liking. But that doesn't mean we aren't making progress. No ma'am.

I celebrated a big NSV this week. Previously I spoke of pants and my wear vs my no-wear drawer. Well, this past Saturday, lacking something to wear for a night out, I decided to venture into the no-wear drawer and to my delight, after losing about 9 lbs, I have moved two more pairs into the "wear" drawer, including one pair that at one time were my very favorite pair. I was so happy I ran out to the living to dance around and show off to Guy For Whom I Have Not Come Up With A Good Blog Alias™

I had intended to show a progress pic, and even had the eldest child take a blurry, head-cut-off photo with the iPad but it occurs to me that I still am unable to upload pics to Blogger. I'll tell you what, though, if you follow me on Twitter, I'll go ahead and post it there. Sound like a plan? K.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

It's so good, you forget it's good for you!

So last week I was a total dimwit and forgot about my post day until it had come and gone.  Such a shame.

Anyhoo, I've had a productive week.  I'm 28 pounds down, which means I've only lost one pound in the last two weeks, but that's probably because for my mother's birthday I ate cake and ice cream.  Twice.  Okay, it was three times.  Sheesh, stop judging me!  (I know you're not judging me.)

I have been on the search for new low-fat recipes that the hubs and kids will like so I don't have to make two separate meals every freaking day.  Also, I don't want to get bored with the foods I've been eating.  I have tried out a few, but one of the best I've found so far is called "White Chicken Chili."  I actually got it from a cousin.  Here's the ingredients:

2 cans white whole kernel corn
2 cans great northern beans
1 packet white chicken chili seasoning (McCormick)
4 chicken breasts --or if you're super lazy you can use canned chicken
1 regular can cream of chicken
1 small Velveeta cheese
1 small sour cream

You boil the chicken, then cube/slice/shred it (however you prefer - I shred).  Drain corn and beans (beans will have a thick juice, so you don't have to drain it all). Throw everything into a pot except for the sour cream.  Cook on medium heat for about 30-45 minutes until the beans are cooked.  Add sour cream, mix well, serve.

I wanted to make this a little healthier, so I used the low sodium, 98% fat free soup, 2% Velveeta and light sour cream.  This was delicious and super-filling.  One small bowl is about 315 calories.

You feel like you're cheating your ass off because it's got so much in it and it's SO GOOD.  I think of it as tricking the mind and the belly.  Plus you can throw the extra in the fridge and eat on it for two or three days.

If you try it out, let me know what you think!

Monday, March 26, 2012

One Sick Puppy


Well JJ suggests getting pregnant to lose weight, I suggest getting sick. I haven't been around for a few days because I was deathly ill beginning last Thursday. Y'all I was up every 1/2 hour throwing up from 10pm to 4am. It sucked, but I've lost 4 pounds! You're wondering, was it worth it? No. No not really.

Okay so maybe it's only 2 pounds. Better than 0! source
I haven't weighed since Saturday morning, so let me go hop on the scale real quick and I'll report my findings back here. So maybe I gained 2 back, but still! Two pounds woohoo! Let's call those two pounds Bernie and Mort. Why are they Jewish? No idea, but let's roll with it. Skedaddle there Bernie and Mort. I hope I don't meet you again, my Jewish compadres!

Mmmm... source
I know why I gained two pounds back y'all. Since I wasn't able to eat anything for 2 1/2 days, I went a little crazy over the weekend because I felt like I "deserved" it. Was that coconut custard pie that I ate worth it? Yeah, it kinda was. I know that sounds dumb, but after not being able to even eat more than three bites of a baked potato, I was starving and I love pie, this is no secret. Besides, I'm still down two pounds right?

While I was slumped over the porcelain goddess, sweating and heaving and praying to make it through the night, I had a revelation. Or maybe it was a hallucination. Either way, I realized that a) Diet orange soda is awful coming back up, and b) I need to work on my self-control. I ALWAYS overdo everything. I'm a go big or go home kinda gal and that even applies to food.

Miss Piggy in Marc Jacobs. So fashionable!  source
Being from Texas which is known for it's BBQ and chili and chicken fried steak, certainly has not prepared me for moderation on my plate. I don't know kids, it seems that I take 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Like I'll have the salad with the light dressing and then have pie. No wonder I've always identified with Miss Piggy! We have identical eating habits. Ugh. I'm still rationalizing and I'm not sure how to stop doing that. For another example, I ate half a roast beef sandwich and a little potato salad, which isn't too bad right? Then I ordered that coconut custard pie because I figured it evened out my light lunch. What the fuck? On what fucking planet does that make sense?

Story of my life, y'all. 
Again, I am cutting myself a tiny bit of slack because I was so sick and everything, but this week I'm back in the saddle again. I had my peanut butter and apple for breakfast, I'll have my pineapple for lunch and I think we're having burritos for dinner made with whole pinto beans instead of refried beans and 98% fat free tortillas. Not too shabby for a Monday I'd say. How was your weekend? Did you stick to your dieting guns?

Friday, March 23, 2012


Guys, I don't know what we've been working our asses off for. I have found the perfect diet! Just get pregnant! You're all skeptical, I see that. Just hear me out. 

All week I've been tossing my cooking like it's my job (as an impending mother, I guess it IS my job). I have no desire for the vast majority of most foods. Either I turn my nose up at it all or I throw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it. What I do consume during the day has a pretty decent chance of coming back up. Saltines and gingerale- this has been my lunches all week. Of course, this only works from the morning until around 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon. After that I'm actually good to go food wise, if I can find something to interest me that is. 

I do find myself craving fruits. Pineapple, watermelon, berries- I happily throw down on all of these. Along with Reese Peanut Butter Cup Cereal. So I mean, there's that. I have a pineapple at home just waiting for the hubby to cut up for me and I can't wait to get my hands on that bad boy tonight. 

I know that this is a weight loss blog and I'm going to be gaining about 15 pounds with the baby. Average sized women are supposed to gain more than that, but since I'm already overweight I'm supposed to gain less. I, honestly, am not too concerned with what I gain. I don't want to be a giant whale, but I want a healthy baby, so I'm going to do whatever I have to do to ensure that. I know this means in the new year (2013 new year that is) I'm going to be throwing down for reals on the diet front. So far this year, I've lost close to 8 pounds. So I'll be gaining double that back. And quite possibly more. 

In the mean time, I'm going to be focusing on eating healthy and battling food cravings and some exercises that are good for expecting ladies. It's going to be quite the journey and I'm super excited to be on it. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Straight outta the food diary, part 2.

So. Here's the deal.

I was at work yesterday updating my food diary with the intention of writing an awesome food diary post for all of you to read today. That's not going to happen.

You see, one of my co-workers spilled water all over my food diary. Not just a little drip that I can manage to mangle a few words from. I mean a big, nasty spill. She basically destroyed it. The pages are wrecked and I can't get back anything that I've written from this week. I'm kind of annoyed at that mishap, but I've learned something this week that I think deserves some mention.

As I sit here in my clothes and shoes, I'm actually planning on running right out and buying myself another one. Because the food diary is working for me.

As I type this, I currently weigh 240. I'm down 10 pounds from the 250 I started this food blog with. I credit keeping the food diary for that. It forces me to hold myself accountable for all my food mistakes, and helps me keep track of all my feelings and emotions about food and other things. 

If you have the patience for it, want a more detailed look at your eating habits, and are willing to be honest with yourself, I can't recommend a food diary more highly. It really has made a huge difference for me.

To close out this short entry for the week, I'll share a quote with you that I had on the very first page of my food journal. I plan on scribbling this bit of genius on the next one as well.
“Attitude: It is our best friend or our worst enemy.” ~John C. Maxwell

Attitude is everything, guys. Don't beat yourself up and tell yourself that you can't do it.
You can. Believe in yourself and things will fall into place.

Until next time.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Back on track again... So far, so good.

It has been a good week, it has.

After my post last week about kicking my own ass, I did just that. I got back to using my myfitnesspal tracker, and I have been tracking the shit out of my food intake.. Last night I had two pretzels while I made my lunch, and I marked it down.

I'm also back to making sure to drink lots of water. I have to pee constantly, which means lots of time spent away from my desk, running to the bathroom every 20 minutes or so. I've lost most of the weight I gained back over the last three or four weeks, which is awesome.

This week for exercise I had an hour and a half kickboxing class, have played three hours of Just Dance 2, and have walked for 2 hours and 20 minutes. I'm really I feeling back on track this week. It's been helpful that the weather has been gorgeous and unseasonably warm for march in the snow belt. I can't help but want to constantly be outside, doing stuff.

Feeling motivated! I love it!

Monday, March 19, 2012

St. Patrick's Day Success Story

Adare Manor in Ireland. How gorgeous is this? source

First off, how was everyone's St. Patrick's Day? It's a fun holiday isn't it? I love the color green so finding something to wear was no problem. I love beer (not the icky green kind though). I love Irish food. I love my girl Poke the Rock who lives in Ireland. I dig castles and I'm pretty sure they have a fuckton of those in Ireland. I think I would love Ireland in general if I went there. So thank you Ireland for giving us this kick-ass holiday where we can eat, drink and be merry!

Yum! source

The only problem with St. Patrick's Day, as with all holidays, is the eating and drinking part, right? Well kids, I am here to tell you that I did pretty damn good this year. Anyone who follows me on Twitter saw the photo of what I ate that day (and if you aren't following me on Twitter shame on you! Get with it!), which was corned beef, cabbage and a boiled potato. The great thing about Irish food for the dieter is that a lot of it is boiled, so it's a lot better for you than what we do on holidays in Texas. We're talking fried fish and shrimp, hot links, potato salad, mac and cheese and sweet tea. Yum! Where was I?
Brewed in Kansas City, MO. It's delicious! source

Oh yeah. Irish food. So I had about half that plate of food that I Tweeted, so way to go Margot (my inner skinny chick)! You rocked it, Sweetheart. Oh you noticed that pint of Irish Ale next to my plate in the picture did ya? Umm... it wasn't mine? It was that fucking leprechaun! He put it there. Yeah. That's it. *cough* Not buying it are you? Okay, okay I had the damn beer AND it was 10:30 in the morning. Shut up and don't judge me. It's all right because after we had our Irish "breakfast" we walked a mile to the parade. So ha!

Bagpipers from the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Wichita. source

At the sub-par Wichita parade, there was weird shit, like a truck that said something about an Ladies Oriental Shrine and then had no Asian people on the fucking float. Umm...weird right? There were also highlights like a group of drag queens (which I love!) that were followed directly by some Republican political candidate. That made my whole day, y'all. So afterward, we walked the mile back to our car, ran a bunch of errands and went home.


So, since I walked 2 freaking miles, I figure I did pretty damn well this week. It is so difficult for me to do things like that and I paid dearly for it yesterday, but it was a good day with the husband and a handful of drunken hipsters on bicycles. I may not have been perfect, but dammit I tried.

How did y'all do this weekend? Any drunken party stories? Please say yes. Please say yes. I hope you were all very careful with your partying and either took a taxi or had a designated driver because I like y'all and want to keep you around awhile okay? Happy Monday!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Food Slump


Happy Friday everyone!

This week has been extremely interesting. I've received some rather significant news that will be a huge impact on my dieting, but we'll discuss that at a later date and time. I hope that was as mysterious as I think it was. 

Currently, I am in the midst of a food slump. Nothing appeals to me. I can't seem to get excited about anything other than the Godiva dark chocolate bar with sea salt. That's probably not the best thing a person on a diet can consume (although it may be the most delicious). It really stinks to be so blah about food. The good thing to come of this is that there is very little bored eating going on. Hopefully I'll come out of this soon. I have so new low calorie recipes I really want to try. 

By the way, if you are looking for tasty and quick low calorie/low fat/low carb recipes go over to Kraft Foods. That is my go to site for quick and easy meals. The great thing is that it also has the nutritional information for each recipe. This helps me a lot since I'm a calorie counter, I'm using the Lose It! app on my Nook. So often I have no idea what the calories are in home cooked dinners that I make, and this site eliminates the guessing and scratch paper with adding and subtracting and dividing. 

Tonight will be me and my hubby's bi-monthly grocery shopping adventure. I am already dreading it. I've been trying to meal plan all morning, but when nothing sounds good to you it's hard to decide on what to cook. Any of you have any tasty suggestions to get me out of this slump?! I'm too tired to think too clearly and my headache is also running interference with my thought processes. 

I cannot express to you all enough how excited I am that it is the weekend. I can sleep in tomorrow before I walk 2 miles for the JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes. It's a good cause and I'll also get some walking time in, so that's a bonus. 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Straight outta the food diary. Part 1

A few weeks ago, I said that I was going to buy and keep up a food diary. I like my phone weight loss apps, but there are times when I get lazy and don't want to take 2 seconds to look at my phone. Not to mention that apps don't always have every single meal that I eat. Writing a food diary has been beneficial because it helps me keep track of all my meals and helps me search out nutrition facts later on when I have the time. Plus I can get more into the emotional side of why I eat what I eat.

Not only that, but handwriting just feels more official. I've been more successful going this route than I was with just my phone and my mind.

Now that I've gotten that part out of the way, my next couple of entries here will be straight from my food journal. You see, I get bored when I diet. I don't always want to eat oatmeal every morning and 1 piece of grilled fish every night. I like variety. Plus I like to experiment and see what's working for me and what isn't.

On this day in my food journal (March 3rd if you're curious), I decided to see if I could survive a whole day only eating fruit. I usually have a piece or two of fruit at work and that keeps me pretty full. I thought I could try switching things up for a day and see if fruit would keep me sustained through the whole day at home.

I know what you're thinking. Why at home?  Because I tend to behave myself at work. I can stick to my diet no problem there. At home I have all kinds of diet challenges. A husband who prefers chips and soda over salads and peas. A video game console that keeps my little bottom plopped in my recliner instead of out in the sunshine. You know, distractions.

Also, I'd just like to remind everyone that I'm not a doctor, nor am I a nutritionist. Feel free to try what I try, but you do so at your own risk!

Here's some quotes from that day:
"9:00am- The plan is to stick with only apples and naners (banana's) all day. Starting off with a piece of each."
"12:00pm- The fruit seems to keep me full for awhile, but I find myself more hungry without something more substantial. I think even a salad might do the trick."
"2:00pm- I had a piece of chicken along with the naners and apple. I don't think this is working!"
"5:00pm- I'm ending the experiment for the day. The fruit for a day is a good idea in concept, but I'm not happy with the way I'm ravenously hungry after a few hours."

So. my little strategy doesn't work so well for me. I learned that I need more than just fruit to survive during an average day. It might be helpful for me to have tiny snacks along with my meals.

I'll get more into that with the next entry.

Does anybody else out there keep a food journal? Did you find yourself more or less successful while keeping up one? Let me know.

Until next time.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Night-time snacking or "I really need a hobby"

Oh my dear, it's been 40 posts already? Coincidentally, today also marks my dearest and onliest sister's fortieth birthday, so all in all it's a day of milestones.

I must confess, I've not been doing well. To make an obscure cultural reference that may or may not have come from South Park, "I Rack Disciprine!"

It's terrible. Not tracking, not really exercising. I still go to kickboxing on the regular, but the dance nights and the walks have definitely waned.

And I'm snacking at night again, which is a problem. I dunno, I guess I'm bored. I'm generally pretty good during the day at work, and I'm pretty good when people are around, but by myself with nothing to do it's all graze, graze, graze. It's not even like I don't have anything to do... I could blog, play my guitar... Hell, I could paint. I have at least three paintings started that i haven't touched in ages. These are all things that keep my hands busy, but I find at night I'm too tired to get up the motivation to do these things, but still too wound up after getting the girls to bed to just go the hell to bed and thus avoid the snack-trap.

I'm not even snacking for pleasure or because i'm still hungry after dinner. More just for something to do. Bugger. I've made a wee bit of progress that I don't want to lose but dammit, I need some motivation back. Summer is coming and I'd like to be back in all my summery clothes. The Warrior Dash is a scant four months away and I need to train and be in at least half-decent shape for that.

I need to kick my own ass is what I need. I've been kicking my ass at work to get more done, I've been kicking my ass at home to keep my house clean (this is day four of it being tidy!) now I need to kick my ass to keep motivated with my food tracking and workouts.

Any suggestions?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I think I'm bipolar. Or a bi-eater. (Just making up words now.)

I've been a very, very bad girl.  Then I was a good girl for a while, then a bad girl for a day, then a good girl for a few days. 

It's like a freaking roller coaster of I love good food/I love bad food.  I'm starting to think my hormones are out of whack.

I'll be doing superwoman-good on my food choices, then hubs will look at me wrong and I'm headed to the store for a (mini) pack of Oreos.  I'll do my daily walk and be feeling great about myself, only to give in and sneak a few bites of the moist yellow cake with cream cheese icing I made one night because Hubs asked me to.

I've just had an epiphany:  My husband is to blame for all of my food failures. 

Not really, but isn't that part of the job description - taking the blame for everything? 

For argument's sake we'll just go with it. 

Anyhoo, as mentioned previously, my life is nothing but school right now.  I'm THISCLOSE to finishing up my degree, and as such the pressure is increasing.  I'm also ecstatic to be going to Europe this summer for two weeks.  NOTE:  This is yet another reasons to buckle down and stick to this lifestyle change; I don't want to be the fat chick on the plane everyone hates to get stuck next to.  No, thank you.

So, I'm on track with my daily walks, and if my stupid Wii would stop acting a fool I could do my Zumba a few nights a week.  I need to figure out some type of effective workout for my arms to get rid of the cafeteria lady arm (you know, that jello-y, jiggly consistency that makes tank tops and sleveless clothing forbidden).  As of yesterday I'm down 27 pounds total, which is huge considering I started a little over two months ago. 

I hope everyone is having a fantastical March.  I'm ready for Spring to be gone so my nose can stop spazzing over the pollen that is covering EVERYTHING in sight.  That said, you'll definitely see me complaining all summer about hellishly hot Louisiana summers.  Ah, the good 'ol South. 

Bea, out!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Anniversary Dinner Success Story

How cute!
Yesterday was my second anniversary of marriage to my wonderful husband, Dominic. I love you, honey! On Saturday we went out for a celebratory dinner at a brewery/restaurant called Granite City Food & Brewery. It was wonderful and y'all...I am so very proud of myself.

I ordered the grilled lemon chicken with fresh green beans and new potatoes. My inner chubby girl, let's call her Gert (why not?),  wanted the garlic butter sirloin with mashed potatoes, but my inner skinny chick, we'll call her Margot (alrighty then), won the battle! Is this growth? Is it a sign that my body knows what's good for it a little bit more now? I wanted to be able to have a beer with dinner and some kind of dessert. It was our anniversary for Pete's sake!

How yummy does that look? source

I'm so proud of Gertrude for forfeiting her desire for fatty foods to Margot's knowledge that the grilled chicken was a better choice. Good job, Gert! How in hell Margot overpowered Gert is beyond me, but she did and my body thanks her. I congratulated Gert with a lemon cupcake for dessert. I figure this is the better choice when faced with a case full of ooey, gooey, chocolaty, creamy, rich, luscious options. Am I right?

I guess what it comes down to is give and take. Gert gave up an entree to Margot so that she could have a cupcake later. I think she made a wise choice don't you?

Friday, March 9, 2012

Work is detrimental to your health.

Pic from here.

I didn't even realize today was Friday and therefore my day to post. I do apologize if this seems half-assed. It's been a crazy week and work is taking up all my brain power. 

You all know what makes for a bad food week? 11 hr work days. When you go in at 8:00 a.m. (sometimes 7:30) and you don't leave until 7:00 p.m. You guys let me know how much you feel like cooking then. We, at Huge Financial Institution That Did Not Require A Bailout, have a merger going on. That means training the lucky ones in Minnesota that didn't get let go over the phone/computer (not that they were notified that way, that that's how we're training them), fixing computer glitches, and crying over our keyboards as we watch thousands and thousands of accounts enter our system. 

So what I'm saying here is that I have been a bad girl this week. Chicken and pastry, cream cheese chicken, chicken tenders with chips (potatos thinly sliced and deep fried) and all of that drenched in ranch, and then beef & broccoli. Those were my dinners. The only thing keeping me from whipping myself with my husbands belt is that I haven't had time to eat lunch. So dinner is the only calories I've been consuming. During the day I'm diet Mt. Dew and water, water, water, so much water. 

My mother-in-law made me a cake Monday in honor of my birthday (which is tomorrow) and I've done really really well at avoiding it. I haven't had a piece since Monday night in fact. Tomorrow I was going to bake a cake for myself, but then my bff told me to calm it down, that it was my birthday and that perhaps someone else had plans to make a cake for me. So... there's going to be more cake. That cow cake up there, that's a fitting cake for me this year.

I'm sorry guys. I just failed this week. 

On a happier note, as it is my birthday eve, I am seriously contemplating playing hooky at 3:00 today. I think I deserve a couple of hours off in honor of myself. 

My mother found a picture of me as a teenager at Daytona with one of my friends. She gave it to me yesterday. I was rocking a lime green bikini with white daisies on it. I was skinny. I was so cute. I think that's going to be my motivation picture. Clearly, I'll more than likely never be that small again, but damnit, anything is better than what I have going on now. 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Book Review: All of Me - A Voluptuous Tale

Hey all. I'm kind of phoning it in this week. Long story short, it was pointed out to me that work time should be for work and in an effort to remain employed I'm trying to take that to heart. So between renewed efforts at being productive at work, a more active than usual love life, and the pain that is typing by touch-screen, my blogging time is more limited. This is a repost from October 6th, 2011. I hope you enjoy it.

My mom recently lent me the book All of Me: A Voluptuous Tale by Venise Berry. The cover puts me in mind of something that would be on Oprah's book club. Upon recommending it to me, she told me that the main character reminded her a lot of me.

I had a bit of a"Gee, thanks mom" moment when I began reading as it starts with the main character, Serpentine Williamson, in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. However, this is not what she was getting at. Serpentine is a black woman who has struggled with her weight all of her life, and recounts the events in her life that led up to her suicide attempt. She deals with fat-shaming from her family, her lovers, her workplace and from society around her.

This book pissed me off to no end, but in the way I think the author intended. I was angry FOR Serpentine and I could understand her frustration at the world around her for treating her like she was a less worthy human being for being fat.

The book also deals with the issue of not only being a fat woman, but a fat black woman. It was an interesting perspective for me to read, being white, since it's my understanding that there can be some significant differences between white women and black women's experiences with fat-shaming and body acceptance. These issues stem a lot from privilege, society's ownership of women's bodies, access to healthy food and activity, and media representation.

I related to Serpentine in her personal life - feeling less than worthy, feeling insecure and jealous of the thin, pretty girls (although in some cases the 'thin girls' were not too far off from me - when I lost the first chunk of weight, I had a few friends point out that we were almost the same size, even though I still felt like the fat girl of the group). I always felt incredulous when someone professed to be attracted to me.

The message of the book focuses a lot of being healthy. While being aware of all the external factors that have affected her, Serpentine also acknowledges her own responsibility in getting where she is, and uses her experiences to better herself and live a healthier life.

It was an enjoyable read. I recommend picking it up.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Midterms and a family emergency

Yep, blessed midterm week.  That whore.

I have TWO (count 'em, 1, 2) midterms today and two thursday, so my life has been a jumble of history, math and political science notes lately.  Also, my grandmother was admitted to the hospital over the weekend after what doctors thought was a heart attack.  Three days later (and after multiple tests and an angiogram) turns out her heart is perfect and her heart-attack symptoms were caused by something else (still unknown).   

So basically I've been a busy gal the past few days.  As such, I have not had time to come up with a sufficient post for today.  Instead I decided to share some great motivational photos with you guys that I found on Pinterest.  I was introducted to Pinterest a few months ago and an addiction was born.  It's ridiculous guys, seriously. 

Anyhoo, here's some lifestyle change encouragement for y'all.  Enjoy. 

Pinned Image

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Hope those boosted some spirits today. 

I promise I'll write an actual post next week!  LOVE!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I Just Gotta Dance!!

Nobody puts Baby in a corner! You knew it was coming when you saw this photo!

It's Monday again, kids and what is new since last Monday? Well, I'll went to my pain management appointment and explained how I've been having HORRIBLE joint pain for at least 6 weeks now along with a scratchy throat/hoarse voice and can she PLEASE fucking help me? She took 8765123131 vials of blood to check for rheumatoid arthritis and vitamin D deficiency, gave me 2 new meds to try and sent me on my way. I'll find out the results today or tomorrow (hopefully), but I'm still annoyed. I'm so tired of going in with new symptoms all the damn time. Cut me some slack, oh powers that be!!


What does this have to do with a weight loss blog? Plenty. Because I've had such excruciating pain, I haven't been able to exercise because even getting up out of my chair is torture. We're talking worse than being forced to watch Carrot Top in Vegas or Kathie Lee Gifford on morning TV bash everyone who disagrees with her.

You, sir are down right adorable... and doable. Ahem.
I lost Arthur (I name the pounds I lose if you're new to my lunacy) last week, which is fan-fucking-tastic, but his cousin Gordon is still holding on like one of those people in the movies who fall off the ledge they are supposedly going to jump from, but then change their minds after they are dangling by their fingers and are rescued by a handsome fireman. Let's make him, John Cusack, for example because I like John Cusack as much as I like Girl Scout cookies. Rawr!

Am I the only one who liked Farmer Ted better than Jake Ryan?

Anyway, I'm hoping for answers this week. That's all, just some god damn answers. Once I have those then I'll be able to get back to dancing around my living room like a lunatic for exercise. I love dancing around my living room  like a lunatic for a couple of reasons:

This scene in Valley Girl was when I first heard one of my all-time favorite songs, I Melt With You.

  1. It makes me feel young again. Sometimes I re-enact the dancing scenes from '80's movies like Sixteen Candles (not John Cusack's sexiest role, but he was hilarious so points for that), Footloose (hellooooo Kevin Bacon... mmm...bacon), and Valley Girl (remember when Nicolas Cage wasn't scary and didn't choose crappy film roles?).
  2. I just feel good afterward. I feel happy and invigorated while I'm flailing my arms ala Elaine on Seinfeld. I sometimes even do the thumbs and the little kicks just to make myself laugh.
Oh Ren, you had me at listening to Quiet Riot in your VW Beetle. le sigh
So everyone do me a favor and send healing thoughts and good vibes my way. I just want to be able to do my own brand of exerdancing or dancercising in my pajamas to the sounds of "the olden days" when hair bands and hairspray were king. In the words of Ren McCormick, LET'S DANCE! Cue the Kenny Loggins!

Friday, March 2, 2012

PMS- the silent diet killer

Guys, I do apologize up front for the PMS speak. If you want to skip this post, I get it. Girls are icky and whatnot.  

I'm scheduled to start my period soon. Very soon. So with that comes a bundle of fun! My breasts are killing me. Putting my bra on this morning I was pretty sure I was either going to cry or pass out. If my husband even considers touching them they start to hurt- and if he does touch him. Good luck buddy, I'm more likely to knock the wind out of you than purr. 

I'm bloated. Clothes that normally fit just fine is snugish. It's kind of ok today though because it's like 73 degrees so I'm wearing one of my new pretty dresses. When I feel crappy, I like to look nice. And it's roomy in the belly so my bloated self fits comfortably in here. 

Cramps. Ladies, I don't get cramps often. I never even got them before I was around 25. Then it was like BAM cramp city. So while I do get cramps more now than ever before, it's usually only the day before and the first day of my period. So I'm expecting the cramps soon. 

I'm exhausted. Why in the hell is menstruating so damn exhausting? All I want to do is curl up on my couch and nap. 

I'm emotionally unstable. Which is actually true of me every day, but it gets bananas during the special week. I mean I can love you, hate you, love you. Laugh, cry, punch, laugh and cry, punch and laugh. Basically, I should probably be committed to an institution for a week every month. 

The worst side effect though... eating. I want to stuff every edible thing within a 20 mile radius of myself into my mouth. I don't care what it is, I want it. Baked beans. Yes. Chocolate chip cookies. Yes. Strawberry shortcake. Absolutely. Oatmeal raisin cookie. Sure. Ham sandwich. Give it here. Meatballs. Hand it over. I seem to become a bottomless pit of hunger in the week before my period. I don't understand it. 

This is the worst symptom to have while you're on a diet. I don't know about you, but I'm already incredibly emotional during this time and to try to deny myself something will piss. me. off. Infuriate me. Turn me into a Lady Hulk. So if I want  pickle Pringles right now, and I know I don't need them, and I tell my husband to keep them away from me, but then I change my mind and want them and then he tries to keep them from me- watch out hubby you're about to have a serious irrational bitch fest on your hands. And then I'll eat the Pringles and then I'll cry about eating and being a bitch to my husband. Ugh. 

For every month, there's a week where dieting is such a terrible terrible idea for me. This is that week. Yesterday officially kicked off the week with sore boobs. Hang on tight peeps in my life, it's about to get ugly. 

And right now I'm eating Swedish meatballs and strawberry punch. No remorse. Currently. 

Fuck you and your healthy chart. A man created that chart.
Image from HERE

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Honey, we're going on a diet!

*If you haven't read Andie's post from yesterday, please take a second to do so here. It's one of the best pieces on food and society that I've ever seen.

Back to the show.

Marriage is a funny thing.

When I was a single, I woke up whenever I wanted, did whatever I wanted and generally ruled my own world. Then I met this guy. (who shall be known from this point as G). He swept me off my feet, told me I was beautiful, and asked me to marry him. I accepted.

When I first got married, I didn't really understand that everything that I said or did would have an impact on him. We're a team, for lack of a better way of putting it. Everything we do, we do together. For better or worse!

When I told my husband I was going on a **** (the word diet is still a dirty word for me), he was very supportive of me. He told me he'd always love me, no matter what the size. But he's always encouraged me to take  better care of myself.

 Which is why this reversal of fortune is so strange.

The first month or so of my ****, he did whatever I wanted. He threw away the junk food, did pushups with me, showed me different exercises that I could do, walked with me, printed nutrition facts,  and was generally a pretty awesome exercise partner. And then it ever so slowly started to slip up.

He started bringing home junk food and eating it front of me, despite my decree of "no junk food in the house, period." It eventually escalated to buying me fatty alcohol, knowing that I can't resist a drink. (Damn screwdrivers).

Then, last night, he brought home Taco Bell. Specifically, this little gem:

Source: via Bj on Pinterest

Empanadas. If there's ever a food that I cannot resist, it's Taco Bell's caramel apple empanadas. I can eat those things by the fistful and not even blink.

But anyway. He snuck those little slices of heaven in with the rest of the loot. And I ate it. Actually, I ate both of them. And they were amazing.

My adorable, sexy husband screwed me over and I was only too happy jump in the boxcar with him. And I think most of this has to do with how my husband and I look at food.

"Baby, you wanna get some Taco Bell and watch a movie?" Me: YES!
"Honey, want to get a pizza and play some Skyrim when you get home?" Me: YES!
"Hey sweetness, the guys are coming over, go get yourself some food and books."Me: YES!

You see the pattern? I do.

Food is always equal to fun in our house. We eat when we're happy. We eat when we're sad. We eat when we're bored. Did I also mention that my husband can make some kick ass nachos?

But enough of that. Here's the real issue I'm struggling with. How do I manage temptation in my own house without driving myself insane or making my husband hate me? I'm finding out that it's not so easy. We had to have a talk the other day about what's been going on with the food. I had to remind him that I'm trying to be serious about losing weight, and while I appreciate all the food offers, I can't keep shoveling this stuff down if I want to make progress.

You guys. He looked at me with those big blue eyes of his and said "So, we can't ever have those types of foods again?" And he looked so sad. And in that moment, I realized that I'm the debbie downer in our marriage.

You see, this diet thing IS going to have an impact on both of us. G can shovel down whatever he wants, and it seems like all he has to do is jog for 5 minutes and he seems to have lost the weight. I, however, work a sedentary job at a desk so it will take far more effort for me to take off the weight. I'm not saying that I can't have slip ups, but I can't have slips ups every day of the week.

What I need to learn is how to say no to those damn empanadas. What I need to learn is what triggers me to eat these foods. So, G and I went out together and we got me a food journal. Every single time I put something in my mouth, I'm going to show it to him so he can see the progresses and the downfalls that I have. He needs to see it so he can know that I'm serious about getting healthy. It's more effort, but it'll be worth it in the long run. If I don't believe it, he won't believe it either.

We have planned (together):

No more junk food at home
No more fast food trips except for cheat days
He's going to buy me more sardines and oysters (they're surprisingly awesome)
He's going to be more conscious about what he eats around me.

He's not going to be the saboteur to my **** anymore. We're back on the same page.

For better or worse, I'll lose this weight. You just wait and see. And we might just be crazy enough to do it together.