Guys, I do apologize up front for the PMS speak. If you want to skip this post, I get it. Girls are icky and whatnot.
I'm scheduled to start my period soon. Very soon. So with that comes a bundle of fun! My breasts are killing me. Putting my bra on this morning I was pretty sure I was either going to cry or pass out. If my husband even considers touching them they start to hurt- and if he does touch him. Good luck buddy, I'm more likely to knock the wind out of you than purr.
I'm bloated. Clothes that normally fit just fine is snugish. It's kind of ok today though because it's like 73 degrees so I'm wearing one of my new pretty dresses. When I feel crappy, I like to look nice. And it's roomy in the belly so my bloated self fits comfortably in here.
Cramps. Ladies, I don't get cramps often. I never even got them before I was around 25. Then it was like BAM cramp city. So while I do get cramps more now than ever before, it's usually only the day before and the first day of my period. So I'm expecting the cramps soon.
I'm exhausted. Why in the hell is menstruating so damn exhausting? All I want to do is curl up on my couch and nap.
I'm emotionally unstable. Which is actually true of me every day, but it gets bananas during the special week. I mean I can love you, hate you, love you. Laugh, cry, punch, laugh and cry, punch and laugh. Basically, I should probably be committed to an institution for a week every month.
The worst side effect though... eating. I want to stuff every edible thing within a 20 mile radius of myself into my mouth. I don't care what it is, I want it. Baked beans. Yes. Chocolate chip cookies. Yes. Strawberry shortcake. Absolutely. Oatmeal raisin cookie. Sure. Ham sandwich. Give it here. Meatballs. Hand it over. I seem to become a bottomless pit of hunger in the week before my period. I don't understand it.
The worst side effect though... eating. I want to stuff every edible thing within a 20 mile radius of myself into my mouth. I don't care what it is, I want it. Baked beans. Yes. Chocolate chip cookies. Yes. Strawberry shortcake. Absolutely. Oatmeal raisin cookie. Sure. Ham sandwich. Give it here. Meatballs. Hand it over. I seem to become a bottomless pit of hunger in the week before my period. I don't understand it.
This is the worst symptom to have while you're on a diet. I don't know about you, but I'm already incredibly emotional during this time and to try to deny myself something will piss. me. off. Infuriate me. Turn me into a Lady Hulk. So if I want pickle Pringles right now, and I know I don't need them, and I tell my husband to keep them away from me, but then I change my mind and want them and then he tries to keep them from me- watch out hubby you're about to have a serious irrational bitch fest on your hands. And then I'll eat the Pringles and then I'll cry about eating and being a bitch to my husband. Ugh.
For every month, there's a week where dieting is such a terrible terrible idea for me. This is that week. Yesterday officially kicked off the week with sore boobs. Hang on tight peeps in my life, it's about to get ugly.
And right now I'm eating Swedish meatballs and strawberry punch. No remorse. Currently.
| Fuck you and your healthy chart. A man created that chart. |
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| Image from HERE |
Ugh.. I hear this so bad.. not only does my weight fluctuate by about 2-3 lbs, thus thoroughly frustrating me, I am HOLYCRAPONACRACKER HUNGRY ALL. THE. FREAKIN. TIME. Not craving, not having the munchies, full on tummy-rumbling HUNGRY.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a while back about the fun of weight-loss during period time here
I feel you! I am like a bottomless pit. Like could go to a buffet and keep it going alllll day!
DeleteI only read to get a better understanding of women, without success. All I heard was "blah blah blah....food!" I may not understand women or their "cycles" but I know food.
ReplyDeleteNormally I would get hungry when someone is talking about food/meatballs but not this time when the opening thoughts are about the ickyness of women.
In all seriousness though, I can see how your pms can affect your diet...and it makes me glad to be a man. If I were a woman I would most definitely use it as an excuse to eat everything. I break the bank when I am craving certain food. If I were a woman, I would have to take out a loan to satisfy my hunger/cravings.
Welcome to womanhood!Be glad you're a man! I always figured the roughest a guy has it is not showing he's excited in public.
DeleteRe: the uber emotional PMS thing.
ReplyDeleteLast night I cried during a re-run of Real Housewives of Atlanta because they visited an orphanage in South Africa.
Re: the over the top PMS eating thing
I just ate 2 giant crab cakes on top of a giant heaping pile of salad dressing coated caesar salad.
And I'm probably going to have some Girl Scout cookies later.
Jeez.
I heart you.
DeleteAlso, I cry during every Hallmark commercial and have encited ridicule when I have cried during Campbell's soup commercials too.
Today there was a baby shower for one of the managers wives and I cried because I wrote "To Baby Greer, Good luck in life little man" in his card. That was the most touching thing I'd ever created- those words. See, irrational.
I had endometriosis so my cramps were like normal cramps x50. I don't wish that on anyone. I had terrible PMS too. Bitchy much? Why yes, I was. I had a hysterectomy because the endometriosis was just too much for my body. I wish I could tell you that it's so great not to get a period and it is, but there's just a whole new set of problems now. Thank you, hot flashes. At least there's no pain anymore. I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. I wish I could take it all away from you.
ReplyDelete*gentle hugs and soothing thoughts*
Man, women have it rough no matter what. Hot flashes, bleeding for a week out of every month for most of our lives, birthing pains, cramping. Men are so lucky.
DeleteAin't that the truth? Not to mention all the other diseases women get like endometriosis, breast cancer (I know men can get this, but let's face it, a mastectomy for a woman is a tad different), ovarian cancer, cervical cancer, etc.
DeleteI don't know how we do it ladies, but I think it's amazing what a woman's body can be put through and still survive to eat another day.
You just ran down my period week beautifully. I'm normally a nice, calm and fun person. That week turns me into the equivalent of Satan. I feel like I'll rip someone's head off if they make me even slightly angry. And instead of being on my off working days on my period, I am ALWAYS working. So I get to be a bitch while I'm dealing with the general public at my job. It gets ugly, folks. Real nasty ugly.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I googled why I feel tired on my period one day, and the article that I read stated that you need to up your vitamin intake because the bleeding during your period basically makes you anemic for that week. Which is fantastic news, I'm sure. Try it before everything gets started and see if you notice the difference.
That's really interesting, B. I am going to have to invest in some vitamins, because this week... I want to KILL SOMEONE. You're singing my song, ladies. And the only thing that even got a smirk out of me today was this post! Thank you, JJ! :)
DeleteI've been loading up on vitamins since Jan 1st and I will admit I haven't have the exhaustion hit me as hard yet. I didn't think of that. Thanks for the info B! That makes so much sense!
DeleteOh you poor thing! Me and my friends refer to it as being HANGRY (hungry + angry = hangry) I always crave sweet stuff and would nearly always blow my diet if it wasn't for low calorie hot chocolate drinks. Xx
ReplyDeleteThat's a perfect word for it!
DeleteI so glad I'm a bloke
ReplyDeleteAs you should be sir. As you should be.
DeleteI have the same problem the week before. I just want to eat EVERYTHING. It's bizarre. I'll even eat stuff I don't particularly like a whole lot, just because it's there. Ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteI definitely LOL'd throughout this post. You are so right. My husband avoids me a bit during the week before period. He's learned.
I agree with you on the eating front, when I'm on my period all I want to do is eat cake and chocolate and every thing that is ridiculously bad for you :/
ReplyDeleteI can be a bit snappy, but I never really have a roller coaster of emotions thankfully :D