Night-time snacking or "I really need a hobby"

Oh my dear, it's been 40 posts already? Coincidentally, today also marks my dearest and onliest sister's fortieth birthday, so all in all it's a day of milestones.

I must confess, I've not been doing well. To make an obscure cultural reference that may or may not have come from South Park, "I Rack Disciprine!"

It's terrible. Not tracking, not really exercising. I still go to kickboxing on the regular, but the dance nights and the walks have definitely waned.

And I'm snacking at night again, which is a problem. I dunno, I guess I'm bored. I'm generally pretty good during the day at work, and I'm pretty good when people are around, but by myself with nothing to do it's all graze, graze, graze. It's not even like I don't have anything to do... I could blog, play my guitar... Hell, I could paint. I have at least three paintings started that i haven't touched in ages. These are all things that keep my hands busy, but I find at night I'm too tired to get up the motivation to do these things, but still too wound up after getting the girls to bed to just go the hell to bed and thus avoid the snack-trap.

I'm not even snacking for pleasure or because i'm still hungry after dinner. More just for something to do. Bugger. I've made a wee bit of progress that I don't want to lose but dammit, I need some motivation back. Summer is coming and I'd like to be back in all my summery clothes. The Warrior Dash is a scant four months away and I need to train and be in at least half-decent shape for that.

I need to kick my own ass is what I need. I've been kicking my ass at work to get more done, I've been kicking my ass at home to keep my house clean (this is day four of it being tidy!) now I need to kick my ass to keep motivated with my food tracking and workouts.

Any suggestions?

The body that isn't yours

When I first started this weight loss journey, I realized something. I realized that I liked to compare myself and my body to other women in popular culture. I aspired to have a body like theirs.

"If only I could look like....." is what I always said to myself. Who did I want to look like? I'll show you.



This is Lita and she was my body idol.



If none of you know who Lita is, don't worry. I'm a huge wrestling fan and not much into Hollywood type of beauty. I wanted to look like Lita in the worst way for a really long time.

As you can see, Lita is gorgeous. And athletic. Just like me! (or so I said to myself) I wanted to have a body like hers. I'd put posters up in my room of her and circle all the things on her body that I wanted. Which sounds rather unhealthy and stalkerish, but it's true.

In a way, there's nothing wrong with admiring the physical beauty of another person. But how far is too far? I think the moment when you start wishing to be someone else is when you have a problem. Why do you spend so much time and energy wanting to be someone else when YOU are already fabulous the way you were made?

I've always been aware of my body, and always put down some part of it. My huge boobs. My massive thighs. My hands. (They can palm a basketball for pete's sake). Even my hair wasn't safe from my negativity. It was always put downs first and compliments last.

I remember going to a wedding once when I was still overweight and I dressed to the nines. Dresses, high heels and makeup. And I HATED it. I like to be comfy and cozy 24/7, and skirts and heels and dressing up are not my idea of that. As we got to the reception, there were some friends of the bride that were hanging around outside on the patio and one of them came and said hi to me.

"I just love your dress and your shoes are to die for." She said. "I wish I was as pretty as you are."

What did I do? Squirmed and stammered a thank you like an idiot. I honestly had no idea how to accept the compliment because I never thought of myself as someone worthy of being thought of as pretty.

As I've grown older and started this whole crazy diet idea, I realized that in order for me to lose the weight and keep it off, I had to love and accept my body the way it was. I can't afford major surgery and lots of dietary supplements to have a body like Lita. Plus I'd need to have breast implants. I don't need those. Trust me.

In my very first post here, I described how much I hated looking at myself in the mirror, and would hate analyze everything about myself. Well, in a reverse from that, I've practiced looking in the mirror and giving myself compliments.

"Wow, B. The boobies are rockin today!" (Yes, that is a compliment.)
"B, you have a beautiful smile and cute dimples."
"B, you have thighs that could crack a walnut. Stong and lovely" ( I do love my thighs now guys. Truly)
"When hubby smacks my ass, it is firm and not so wiggly anymore. Keep working out and don't stop!"

Are we all on the same page? Excellent.

If you want your body to be better, start by having a more realistic outlook about yourself. Tell yourself that you're beautiful and that you want to work out to feel better. Focus on the better part of you and not the things that you hate. Learn to love yourself before everyone else. Be your own body idol.

Be the beautiful YOU. Not the beautiful someone else. Body idols are lame anyway.

Until next time.