So, this article gave me quite the sad, and a bit of rage-face as well.
Mom Puts 7-Year-Old on a Diet in the Worst Vogue Article Ever
Be warned, it could be a bit triggering for both both eating disorders and child abuse. The article basically outlines how this woman was concerned about her somewhat chubby seven-year-old and instead of taking a reasonable route like buying some healthier snacks and maybe putting the kid into dance lessons or team sports, she decided to send her kid on the path to a life-time of disordered relationships with food by putting her on a strict diet and brow-beating and shaming said kid for going off said diet.
And then selling her story to Vogue.
Little girls are under so much pressure from such a young age. I have to wonder how much we help perpetuate it. Hell, half the time we aren't even cognizant of the way the media constantly picks at us and tells us how we can be thinner, younger, smoother, and all other manner of adjectives, so how do we know when we are pushing these same unrealistic ideals on our daughters and more importantly how do we cushion them against the same toxic messages when we DO recognize them?
This is something I've struggled with along my weight-loss journey. I try to recognize what kind of messages about self-image and self-worth I am sending to my daughters, who are at the particularly vulnerable ages of 8 and 10. The way I negotiate my own weight-maintenance can have long-reaching effects on their own relationships with food and their bodies.
I try to be mindful about emphasizing how I want to feel, that is, healthier and more confident. I hate when they see me weigh myself, and I tend to wear a pokerface if they are around, regardless of whether I like the number I see or not. In a house full of girls, privacy in the bathroom hasn't been a huge issue so sometimes they will walk in while I weigh myself. Point being, I don't want them to get the idea that whether or not I have a good day or bad is tied in with whether I am feeling fat that day.
When dealing with food choices I try to always speak in terms of some foods being 'better for you' rather than relying on a 'good/bad' dichotomy. I don't want them to feel guilt for having treats, or to berate themselves for not always choosing the 'healthy' option. I do enjoy the idea of 'sometimes' foods.
If I have to restrict them on some items (for example, we can have cookies.. but we're not going to have six cookies in a day) I don't EVER frame restriction in terms of the "EFF" word (eep.. FAT!) because I want to keep them from worrying about their weight as soon as humanly possible. Instead, I'll limit them to two or three a day because "Mommy isn't made of money and can't go buying cookies all the time!"
Financial insecurity is better than Body image insecurity, isn't it? I sure hope so. I'd rather see them grow up annoyingly cheap than with a life-threatening eating disorder.
I love my mom to death, but I will acknowledge that watching her struggle with her weight as I grew up, as well as the on-going concerns for my own health that were often expressed, not maliciously mind you, in terms of my weight when the real concern was not how much I ate, but the fact that I ate shit, did a number on both my body image and my relationship with food. And I have tied a lot of my self-worth in with my weight. I didn't totally internalize it, but I did spend a lot of time under the impression that I was A) grossly fat and that B) this meant I was a less worthy human being.
Just to clarify, because like I said, my mom is awesome and I don't want to pin it all on her. She never said I was less worthy because I was overweight, but that is how I felt. The truth is, these are the kinds of messages we are bombarded with every single day so that even many people who don't have a 'weight problem' per se see themselves as potentially fat, which to some is a fate worse than death.
No seriously.
Bea Beautiful posted about a woman a while ago who cited 'getting fat' as her worst fear. Worse than shark attacks, worse than giant spiders, worse than being bludgeoned to death by an friggin' axe murderer.
That, my friends, is some fucked up, if y'all will pardon my French.
This is what I want to avoid for my children. I don't want them to fear getting fat.. not because it 'won't ever happen' to them because it totally could. But if it ever does, I want them to know they are still worthy human beings. Whether we all here succeed on our respective journeys to lose weight and/or be healthier we are all worthy human beings and deserve to love ourselves as we are and as what we become in the future.
I want my girls to know that they are worthy, no matter their size and I think the longer I can keep them from thinking negatively about their body and reinforcing that they are beautiful inside and out, then maybe the idea of unconditional worth will stick with them.
I can only hope.
Showing posts with label bad food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad food. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Pigging Out
Many of you know that I'm from Texas and damn proud of it! Being a Texan, and specifically a small-town, Southeast Texan, means BBQ, gumbo, fried everything and bake sales at the local high school. Yum right? Food has been an important part of my life since forever. My mom is an amazing cook, whipping up recipes passed down for generations. We're talking pies made with sticks of butter and heavy cream, cinnamon chocolate layer cakes, slow-cooked beef tips and noodles (my favorite), and various other dishes that make me salivate just visualizing them. I'm proud that I come from a long line of fantastic home cooks. My dad is a chili cookoff champion! He loves to cook and show off his recipes whenever he can.
In Texas we do everything big. I'm sure you've heard that before and if you're a Texan, you know it's true. Our food is even bigger, for Pete's sake. Seriously...have you ever seen a chicken fried steak prepared in a Texas restaurant? It hangs off of the plate and is smothered in cream gravy. It's the land of, "Honey, getcha some more of that_____". That blank can be filled with any number of foods, potato salad, baked beans, fried okra, etc. It's hard to resist all of these things and I always thought, "One more little taste won't hurt". Those "little tastes" add up quick. Real quick.
My mom tells the story of what a good baby I was. As long as I had my bottle I was happy. Geez! Even as a baby I loved eating! Am I predisposed to being overweight? Is it genetics? Who the hell knows! My mom is thin. My sister is thin, though we have different fathers and apparently the father I never knew had all the "fat genes" on his side. Thanks a lot for that (among countless other things), asshole. I can tell you this, I still love to eat. I'm not picky. I love vegetables, fruit, meat, sweets. You name it. There are very few things (broccoli yuck!), you can serve me that I won't love. Unless it's some weird part of an animal and then we may have an issue. So, even though genetics probably played a part in this, I can't blame my genes for the fact that I love to eat.
I have a love/hate relationship with food, just like I'm guessing my girls here on the blog do. That's most likely true for anyone battling their weight. I could sit and eat brisket or tacos or hamburgers or pie, day in and day out. I'd feel so good when they touch my taste buds! Then... I'd beat myself up for "being a pig". I'd look in the mirror after I downed a dessert that I didn't need and feel like shit because of the "pig face" I see. That's my go-to insult for myself. Pig face. I hate the pig face. I hate my mirror. Fuck you, Mirror! How can I do this to myself over and over and over again? I know that when I eat something that's not good for me that I'll feel guilty and punish myself mentally. So why the fuck do I keep doing it? I don't know. I really don't know.
I never really had issues with food growing up because I was an athlete and I would burn off whatever I ate. It was when I got older and the ol' metabolism slowed down and I had to have a hysterectomy, that the pounds added up and I started this cycle of eating whatever I wanted and then beating myself up afterward. When I had to begin a plethora of medications for CRPS and was unable to exercise like before, I took notice of what I was eating, but it didn't stop me from having that pie or whatever. It feels so good to indulge doesn't it? Everything tastes like the best thing you ever ate when you know you shouldn't have it, right? How can it be so bad for me, when it tastes so good? That pisses me right the fuck off. When broccoli starts to taste like chocolate, I'll start eating it. Ha!
I'm getting better at choosing the right things to eat. I'm trying to eat things that are baked or grilled, rather than fried or covered in creamy sauces. It's tough eating out, but I'm trying y'all. I'm trying. I don't want to look in the mirror anymore and see a pig face. I want to see the woman I used to think was pretty. I want to feel pretty again. I'm hopeful that sharing my ups and downs with all of you will help me say goodbye to the pig face forever. Say it with me...Fuck off, Pig Face!!
 |
| That's not always good! |
 |
| Yes, please! |
 |
| Fuck you, Mirror! |
I never really had issues with food growing up because I was an athlete and I would burn off whatever I ate. It was when I got older and the ol' metabolism slowed down and I had to have a hysterectomy, that the pounds added up and I started this cycle of eating whatever I wanted and then beating myself up afterward. When I had to begin a plethora of medications for CRPS and was unable to exercise like before, I took notice of what I was eating, but it didn't stop me from having that pie or whatever. It feels so good to indulge doesn't it? Everything tastes like the best thing you ever ate when you know you shouldn't have it, right? How can it be so bad for me, when it tastes so good? That pisses me right the fuck off. When broccoli starts to taste like chocolate, I'll start eating it. Ha!
 |
| No pig face for me! |
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Hoghead Cheese and Gumbo
Scratching your heads right now, aren't ya? Many will know what gumbo is, but when they hear the words "hog" "head" and "cheese" together, they get a bit flustered. And yes, it's exactly what it sounds like: cheese made from the head of a hog. Sounds gross, but it's SO GOOD.
I was born and raised in the deep south. I'm talking gator farms, crabbing at 3am, mosquitoes, boudin balls, jambalaya and red beans for dinner deep south. If you're from here or have ever visited here, you know the food is fantastic. Anything and everything you could eat here is great with one exception: nutria rat. I have never and will never eat a rat. No, thank you.
Since my mother and her mother were also born and raised here, they are two of the best cooks in the world. I don't care what they're cooking, it's good. Like slap ya Momma good. (Note: If you're ever in the south and something is slap ya Momma good, PLEASE, for the love of God, do not slap somebody's Momma. You'll get your ass kicked.) They cook the best fried chicken, pork chops, roast and gravy - and we eat pretty much everything with gravy. It's a food group.
In addition to being delicious, food is also cooked differently here. We'll take anything healthy and make it unhealthy. All you need is some Crisco, butter and flour. For example, when we get fresh vegetables, we don't just slice 'em up and throw them in a salad. No, sir. We batter and fry those bad boys. Do the same thing to fish, shrimp, soft shell crabs and even bread (hushpuppies). If we're not frying it, we're covering it in salt and Tony's (Tony Chachere's Seasoning). You can make anything better with enough Tony's.
Knowing all of this can help y'all understand just how incredibly easy it was for me to get as big as the side of a barn. Because not only is the food delicious, every single public event that goes on down here involves some form of food. Festivals are named after foods. Parties involve either BBQ or a crawfish boil. Church get-togethers include potluck dinners (Oh em gee can old church ladies cook!). Hell, they even serve snacks at the polling booths on election days. I'm telling you, life in the south revolves around food.
So, 27 years of weekly Sunday dinners at my Mawmaw's house with roast, rice and gravy, homemade macaroni and cheese, broccoli casserole, squash casserole (a vegetable isn't edible unless it's fried or in a casserole of some sort), cornbread and the likes, on top of my mother's daily wholesome dinners (she cooked enough for a small army - every single night), combined with the bad habits of any kid/young adult - fast food and junk food all the time..... God, why was I even surprised when that scale read 283??
Once I got married and moved out, my eating habits didn't worsen, but they surely didn't improve. I wanted to cook dinners every night, but with being a student and working full time and a house to keep up, many nights I would just throw chicken nuggets and fries in the oven. I would cook some vegetables for the kids, but my husband and I would eat large platefuls of nuggets and fries with ketchup AND MAYONNAISE mixed together. That started around age 8. At 27 I was still eating mayonnaise and ketchup mixed together with fries and basically any meat - chicken, pork, even steak.
I'd plan on being good and bring a can of soup or a small pack of crackers to school or work, but as soon as I got in my car to go home, the first thing I wanted to do was pull into a Sonic or Raising Canes or Taco Bell. From Sonic I would order mozzarella sticks, cheddar poppers and a large chili cheese tots. Every single time. From Cane's I would get the largest combo with an extra sauce - no coleslaw for me. Taco Bell would be a stuffed burrito with either a Mexican pizza or a quesadilla. Every once in a while I would stop by Popeye's and get a 3-piece chicken with red beans and rice and a biscuit. I would eat ALL THREE pieces of chicken, all of the red beans and the biscuit.
I'm mortified to be sharing this with y'all, but I know that being honest with myself and everyone else about how bad I let myself get is the best way to motivate myself to continue this new path I'm on. Since I've started my lifestyle change I haven't had any fast food or junk food. An entire month with no junk food is a milestone for me. I don't know how Sonic is going to pay their light bill anymore.
Hopefully soon I can share with you guys some of the lifestyle changes I've made in regards to what I eat. A lot of it has to do with being conscious of what we put into our bodies, and how it will affect us. So, the next time you feel the urge to pull in to a fast food joint for a "quick bite", take a second to think about how long it will take to work it off.
I was born and raised in the deep south. I'm talking gator farms, crabbing at 3am, mosquitoes, boudin balls, jambalaya and red beans for dinner deep south. If you're from here or have ever visited here, you know the food is fantastic. Anything and everything you could eat here is great with one exception: nutria rat. I have never and will never eat a rat. No, thank you.
Since my mother and her mother were also born and raised here, they are two of the best cooks in the world. I don't care what they're cooking, it's good. Like slap ya Momma good. (Note: If you're ever in the south and something is slap ya Momma good, PLEASE, for the love of God, do not slap somebody's Momma. You'll get your ass kicked.) They cook the best fried chicken, pork chops, roast and gravy - and we eat pretty much everything with gravy. It's a food group.
In addition to being delicious, food is also cooked differently here. We'll take anything healthy and make it unhealthy. All you need is some Crisco, butter and flour. For example, when we get fresh vegetables, we don't just slice 'em up and throw them in a salad. No, sir. We batter and fry those bad boys. Do the same thing to fish, shrimp, soft shell crabs and even bread (hushpuppies). If we're not frying it, we're covering it in salt and Tony's (Tony Chachere's Seasoning). You can make anything better with enough Tony's.
Knowing all of this can help y'all understand just how incredibly easy it was for me to get as big as the side of a barn. Because not only is the food delicious, every single public event that goes on down here involves some form of food. Festivals are named after foods. Parties involve either BBQ or a crawfish boil. Church get-togethers include potluck dinners (Oh em gee can old church ladies cook!). Hell, they even serve snacks at the polling booths on election days. I'm telling you, life in the south revolves around food.
So, 27 years of weekly Sunday dinners at my Mawmaw's house with roast, rice and gravy, homemade macaroni and cheese, broccoli casserole, squash casserole (a vegetable isn't edible unless it's fried or in a casserole of some sort), cornbread and the likes, on top of my mother's daily wholesome dinners (she cooked enough for a small army - every single night), combined with the bad habits of any kid/young adult - fast food and junk food all the time..... God, why was I even surprised when that scale read 283??
Once I got married and moved out, my eating habits didn't worsen, but they surely didn't improve. I wanted to cook dinners every night, but with being a student and working full time and a house to keep up, many nights I would just throw chicken nuggets and fries in the oven. I would cook some vegetables for the kids, but my husband and I would eat large platefuls of nuggets and fries with ketchup AND MAYONNAISE mixed together. That started around age 8. At 27 I was still eating mayonnaise and ketchup mixed together with fries and basically any meat - chicken, pork, even steak.
I'd plan on being good and bring a can of soup or a small pack of crackers to school or work, but as soon as I got in my car to go home, the first thing I wanted to do was pull into a Sonic or Raising Canes or Taco Bell. From Sonic I would order mozzarella sticks, cheddar poppers and a large chili cheese tots. Every single time. From Cane's I would get the largest combo with an extra sauce - no coleslaw for me. Taco Bell would be a stuffed burrito with either a Mexican pizza or a quesadilla. Every once in a while I would stop by Popeye's and get a 3-piece chicken with red beans and rice and a biscuit. I would eat ALL THREE pieces of chicken, all of the red beans and the biscuit.
I'm mortified to be sharing this with y'all, but I know that being honest with myself and everyone else about how bad I let myself get is the best way to motivate myself to continue this new path I'm on. Since I've started my lifestyle change I haven't had any fast food or junk food. An entire month with no junk food is a milestone for me. I don't know how Sonic is going to pay their light bill anymore.
Hopefully soon I can share with you guys some of the lifestyle changes I've made in regards to what I eat. A lot of it has to do with being conscious of what we put into our bodies, and how it will affect us. So, the next time you feel the urge to pull in to a fast food joint for a "quick bite", take a second to think about how long it will take to work it off.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Food, food. Glorious food.
Hello again. B at your service, and today we're talking about food. Not the kind of food that I eat when I want to lose weight, but the kind that turned me into the balloon woman that you know now. Bad food in all it's gloriousness is the topic of discussion today.
I have to say this before I say anything else. This entry was extremely hard for me to write. It's bad enough to admit you might be just a little bit out of shape, but to admit what I'm about to tell all of you? This would so not happen 5 years ago. But, I've grown up a little, learned a little bit more, and I realize that reflecting on your eating habits is the only way to a true healthy self, so I'm ready to spill the beans on my bad eating habits in order for some of you to take a look at and analyze your own.
Here we go with that.
Now, I admit that there's some defect in me that doesn't like to cook all the time. Some women love their time in the kitchen and can razzle dazzle some delicious food, but to me, the kitchen was like Mars. I could turn a burner on, but most of my food ended up that way. Burned. But I could make a ramen soup that would make you slap. yo. momma.
In my ignorance of all the different sorts of food out there, I became a picky asshole, and I refused to eat it if it wasn't deep fried or came with a bun with cheese and bacon.
Since I can't cook, and it wasn't possible to Harry Potter a spread of various delicacies without putting in too much effort, most of my eating was done at restaurants and fast good joints. My personal favorite was Culvers. At my fattiest, I could put a major dent in my wallet at Culvers. And it was about a mile down the road from my house. Score! Easy freakin dinners all the time. But at what cost?
For me, an average meal at Culvers consisted of this:
1 Bacon Butterburger deluxe (double), fries and a large diet dr pepper (LOL at the Dr Pepper, by the way. Like that means anything.)
AND
1 Vanilla Concrete mixer and another small order of fries.
Fries were my addicition as you can tell. And, despite the fact that I want to drop a few pounds, I still crave them like mad. I have a pang for them almost everyday. Weird, huh?
Anyway, since I started to diet, I got a food app on my Android (Calorie Count)that listed all the nitty gritties of my eating. Fat, calories and all. Since I just gave you an example of a typical meal, I'll also give you an example of my typical intake. Fat and all.
1 bacon butterburger deluxe (double) is 751 calories, 50 grams of fat, and 34 grams of carbs.
1 large order of crinkle cut fries is 495 calories, 22 grams of fat, and 68 grams of carbs.
1 vanilla concrete mixer is 682 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 67 grams of carbs
In total, that one meal is 1,928 calories, 112 grams of carbs, and 169 grams of fat.
So, if I had this meal more than once a day, I pretty much fucked myself with every single bite. And rest assured, I did have this meal once a day. Sometimes multiple times a day depending on how lazy or tired I felt.
You guys, it's no wonder that I had a meltdown. This is horribly, horribly bad for you. I ate like this multiple times a day with almost no second thought. It's a wonder to me that I'm not even bigger than I am already, or just plain dead.
When I finally decided that enough was enough, I made some changes. As hard as this was to post and as embarassed as I am to be putting this up for everybody to talk about, this is the only way for me to wake up, and to hopefully wake up some other people too. And if I have to embarass myself a bit in order to get it into my head (and yours) that I need to stay home and cook, so be it!
What have I done since the discovery of the baaaad that I was doing to myself? This:
I opened up my wallet: I always bought processed food that was quick to make and made excuses when confronted with choosing something healthy over something fast. I make more of an effort as far as cooking and buying healthier food. I also take stabs at making food for the family. You know, by trying not to burn it.
Even my burnt food is healthier than the stuff I mentioned earlier in the post.
I stopped drinking soda: This one was really difficult for me. Where I work has a free soda/fruit program, and it is so easy for me to go to our cafe and grab a 32 ounce cup and fill it up with fizzies. However, for the past 3 weeks, I haven't done that. I'm proud of myself because cutting out the consumption of Dr Pepper (or as I call it, crack in a cup) has saved me 388 calories everyday. And let's not forget the 32 grams of sugar that I'm no longer consuming either.
I exercise: There's no way around it. I have to work out in order to drop the weight. At this point, I'm doing 30 minutes of cardio and 45 minutes of weight exercise 3 times a week. It should be everyday, but I work hideous hours, and this is all I can make time for at the moment. As I get deeper into exercise, I will most likely end up modifying this.
Make small changes, show some big results! (Hopefully)
Thanks for reading my story today.
Until next time.
I have to say this before I say anything else. This entry was extremely hard for me to write. It's bad enough to admit you might be just a little bit out of shape, but to admit what I'm about to tell all of you? This would so not happen 5 years ago. But, I've grown up a little, learned a little bit more, and I realize that reflecting on your eating habits is the only way to a true healthy self, so I'm ready to spill the beans on my bad eating habits in order for some of you to take a look at and analyze your own.
Here we go with that.
Now, I admit that there's some defect in me that doesn't like to cook all the time. Some women love their time in the kitchen and can razzle dazzle some delicious food, but to me, the kitchen was like Mars. I could turn a burner on, but most of my food ended up that way. Burned. But I could make a ramen soup that would make you slap. yo. momma.
In my ignorance of all the different sorts of food out there, I became a picky asshole, and I refused to eat it if it wasn't deep fried or came with a bun with cheese and bacon.
Since I can't cook, and it wasn't possible to Harry Potter a spread of various delicacies without putting in too much effort, most of my eating was done at restaurants and fast good joints. My personal favorite was Culvers. At my fattiest, I could put a major dent in my wallet at Culvers. And it was about a mile down the road from my house. Score! Easy freakin dinners all the time. But at what cost?
For me, an average meal at Culvers consisted of this:
1 Bacon Butterburger deluxe (double), fries and a large diet dr pepper (LOL at the Dr Pepper, by the way. Like that means anything.)
AND
1 Vanilla Concrete mixer and another small order of fries.
Fries were my addicition as you can tell. And, despite the fact that I want to drop a few pounds, I still crave them like mad. I have a pang for them almost everyday. Weird, huh?
Anyway, since I started to diet, I got a food app on my Android (Calorie Count)that listed all the nitty gritties of my eating. Fat, calories and all. Since I just gave you an example of a typical meal, I'll also give you an example of my typical intake. Fat and all.
1 bacon butterburger deluxe (double) is 751 calories, 50 grams of fat, and 34 grams of carbs.
1 large order of crinkle cut fries is 495 calories, 22 grams of fat, and 68 grams of carbs.
1 vanilla concrete mixer is 682 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 67 grams of carbs
In total, that one meal is 1,928 calories, 112 grams of carbs, and 169 grams of fat.
So, if I had this meal more than once a day, I pretty much fucked myself with every single bite. And rest assured, I did have this meal once a day. Sometimes multiple times a day depending on how lazy or tired I felt.
You guys, it's no wonder that I had a meltdown. This is horribly, horribly bad for you. I ate like this multiple times a day with almost no second thought. It's a wonder to me that I'm not even bigger than I am already, or just plain dead.
When I finally decided that enough was enough, I made some changes. As hard as this was to post and as embarassed as I am to be putting this up for everybody to talk about, this is the only way for me to wake up, and to hopefully wake up some other people too. And if I have to embarass myself a bit in order to get it into my head (and yours) that I need to stay home and cook, so be it!
What have I done since the discovery of the baaaad that I was doing to myself? This:
I opened up my wallet: I always bought processed food that was quick to make and made excuses when confronted with choosing something healthy over something fast. I make more of an effort as far as cooking and buying healthier food. I also take stabs at making food for the family. You know, by trying not to burn it.
Even my burnt food is healthier than the stuff I mentioned earlier in the post.
I stopped drinking soda: This one was really difficult for me. Where I work has a free soda/fruit program, and it is so easy for me to go to our cafe and grab a 32 ounce cup and fill it up with fizzies. However, for the past 3 weeks, I haven't done that. I'm proud of myself because cutting out the consumption of Dr Pepper (or as I call it, crack in a cup) has saved me 388 calories everyday. And let's not forget the 32 grams of sugar that I'm no longer consuming either.
I exercise: There's no way around it. I have to work out in order to drop the weight. At this point, I'm doing 30 minutes of cardio and 45 minutes of weight exercise 3 times a week. It should be everyday, but I work hideous hours, and this is all I can make time for at the moment. As I get deeper into exercise, I will most likely end up modifying this.
Make small changes, show some big results! (Hopefully)
Thanks for reading my story today.
Until next time.
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