Friday, February 3, 2012

Will power? What's that again?

There's many different reasons I'm at the weight that I am now. Binge eating isn't exactly a new symptom of mine. There's been countless times I've gone to a restaurant and ordered food and out comes a massive plate. It's all so delicious and so good and gee I bet it doesn't warm over well, so then I would eat it all. Even if I was stuffed and not close to hungry, I would still eat it all. Same at home when I'd cook. I don't want it to go to waste, it won't warm over well, it'll just sit in the fridge and take up space and spoil, so I go ahead and eat it. 


There are a few times in my past that I have binged ridiculously. As in, it's so gross, so shocking that I am ashamed to even think about what I did and what I consumed. So I'm going to post my top 4 pig outs, because I should be ashamed. I should be disgusted with myself. So here goes a count down leading to the ultimate binge:


4) So there was this special day several years ago when McDonald's was selling their cheese burgers for 25 cents. I was a broke college student, I had a part time job that didn't pay jack. I was drinking daily, throughout the day, and basically didn't give a fuck what I had going on. So I took my broke ass to the McDonald's drive through and I ordered 5 five cinco cheeseburgers. I ate them. All of them. And a medium fries and a large diet Coke (LOL at my diet Coke). I will say it made me sick. About an hour later I had a killer headache and I vomited for the rest of the night. My body knew better than my brain did. 


3)**Let me preface this one by saying it was a good 9 years ago when I was in college and dumb, so I'm not suggesting anyone ever do what I did during that time ever** There was a time when I was young and foolish. Very foolish. During this time I drank heavily and I smoked lots of...things. One night in particular the...things we smoked proved to be more potent that usual which lead to my at the time bff and I shoving as much food into our faces as possible. Here's what happened, to the best of my recollection (it's a bit hazy). An entire unopened box of Reeses's cereal, 6 tacos from Taco Bell, 6 donuts from Krispy Kreme... and there could have been more. I'm not really sure. I don't condone this behavior, however we were young and we were being driven around by a person that did not partake in the same things in which we did, so we weren't a menace on the roads. Don't call the po-po please. 


2) This one took place in Binghamton, NY this past Fall when I went with my hubby to visit some of his friends. He wanted to introduce me to all the best food the town had to offer. So I ate all of the following, in ONE DAY. Large cup of delicious coffee. Giant chocolate truffle. 6 inch pork Spiedie's sub and 6 inch chicken Spiedie's sub to better judge which is better with a large root beer. 3 fresh made donuts. Nirchi's pizza. Black & white cookies. A bowl of chicken noodle soup. 6 fried wings. 2 beers. And again, whether it was from the chain smoking at The Terrace that night with a couple of beers (I don't really drink anymore) or the constant stuffing of my face, the end result was me heaving up dinner (just the wings). I'm gonna blame all of the above. 



1) So as a lot of people are, I am a depressed eater. When I was just a couple of days away from 20 my douchey boyfriend and I broke up- for good this time (young "love" is always so dramatic). I found myself depressed, pms-ing, and "heartbroken" one week day. I skipped class, I went to Wal-Mart. I purchased Dawson's Creen Season 1 (still a favorite show of mine don't be a hater), a roll of chocolate chip cookie dough, egg rolls, chimichangas, and a can of whipped cream. I went home cooked the egg rolls and the chimichangas then sat on the couch with Dawson and ate and cried and ate some more. Mostly I ate. 

Why do I ever wonder why I'm like this now? That's all so embarrassing and also dangerous! I have eaten so much that my body has literally rejected the food! Ugh, I'm so gross. This has really helped me see how unnecessary all of that was. Eating all of that when I was depressed didn't make me feel any better. It just made me feel worse. If not literally sick. The trip with my hubby up to NY we were there for two whole days- we could have broken the food up over the two days. 


Well things are different now. No more ridiculous bingeing on food because I'm depressed, bored, or just because it's there and is delicious. I have to find the will-power that I know I am capable of. I quit smoking 12/31/11. It's been 33 days and I just put out a cigarette one day and didn't light another one after that- cold turkey guys. Go me! I know I CAN succeed in this diet business, I just have to find the will-power.   


And I'm adding this ling to a pretty interesting article, actually it's very short but you should check it out. Perhaps NSFW. Fact About America's Warped Body Image

15 comments:

  1. I'm so proud of you for quitting smoking. I quite about 3 1/2 years ago and I'm so glad that I did. I have enough health problems without adding any that smoking will bring.

    It is so hard to quite smoking for most people and if you can do that, you've got this food thing, honey. It's so difficult but I know we can both do it. You're an amazing woman and I'll be on your side during this fight!

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    1. You know it was a real bitch quitting smoking only when I was at work and stressed out. My bff smokes so sometimes when I'm around her I'm like "that looks like a party..." but I remind myself of how my blood pressure has already lowered and how much better I feel now.

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    2. I understand completely. The husband smokes. He's cut down a lot, but I wish he would give them up completely. I don't really have a problem with cravings, thank the Lord! I don't know why or I would give you some fantastic tips.

      Those are definitely important reminders. Good for you!

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  2. I've binged on some food myself. Don't be embarrassed, my dear. You've learned your lessons and some of the reasons why you did what you did, and by golly you're a better person for all of it. Breakups usually make me go running for the cookie dough too. :-/

    Sadly, all the food you posted still looks good to me. Looks like I still have more work to do, eh?

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    1. No B, it all still looks good time me too. I don't think food is supposed to stop looking good, we just have to have the will-power to control our intake if we do have it. I just found a recipe for chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes. I will make them in a few weeks and I will give probably 20 of the 24 away keeping the others for my hubby and one for me. I don't think we should deprive ourselves of the food that makes us happy. Just moderate it.

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  3. I'm a junkfood junkie, myself. I have been cutting down lately, but the temptations are too good to pass up sometimes.

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  4. This really hits close to home, because I've been a binge-eater more times than I'd like to admit to. I would go get two items from one fast food place, then an item from another, then two more from another, just so the people at the restaurants wouldn't think I was a pig (ha), then I would park in a deserted parking lot and eat it all so no one would know how much I was eating. How sad and disgusting is that?! Ugh, I gross myself out.

    A HUGE congrats on quitting smoking! I kicked the habit cold turkey two years ago and I am SO glad I did. You will feel (and be) so much healthier just by stopping that awful habit.

    Great post!

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  5. Wow, I remember gorging at Hardee's and Baskin Robbin's in college because they were within easy walking distance to my dorm. One night my roommate and I ate 2 double cheeseburgers, large fries, and then split a matterhorn at Baskin Robbins, which consisted of 6 scoops of ice cream and 3 toppings loaded with whipped cream. I had the belly ache of the decade!!!!

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  6. You are amazing! I'm super impressed!! BTW the first thirty days are the hardest (says THEY) so take comfort in the fact that you are over the hump.

    Also... your other blog "One Day I'm Gonna..." is acting like a douche. I can't get it up. (Sounds like my first time!) LOL!

    (I may have may not have been drinking while posting this comment.)

    And another thing... You starred in my latest post.

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    1. Hey there! This post isn't mine, but I just saw your post with me in it and the husband and I were cracking up!

      I'll have to check on my personal blog to make sure nothing's wrong. If you're drunk...where's mine? Haha!

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  7. I binged last night but it's off to the gym this morning to work it off

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  8. Oh the binge eating I have done... especially last year when I was unemployed and my hobby was eating my emotions. Your worst binges don't even phase me because I'm 100% certain I've done much worse :) The good news is that I can't even imagine doing that now.

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  9. I am not a physician and am not recommending this diet per say, but maybe you could check with your doctor to see what he/she thinks about intermittent fasting. I relied on this diet (after going from 225 pds. to about 140 pds.) to keep the weight off once I lost 85 pds. Again, check with your general practitioner and research it on-line before trying it---but it might allow you to "binge" once a day and still keep within a specific calorie range.

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  10. Everyone binges.

    We've all been there.

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