Back Then I...

Yesterday I had to do a photoshoot and I'm telling you I've never felt so self-conscious in my entire life. It's weird because I used to model and have done shoots in A LOT less clothing and never felt insecure. That was a long time ago my friends. I was a lot skinnier and at least 7 years younger. I look back at those photos sometimes and forget that I have gained all this weight. I don't want to come back to the reality that I'm embarrassed of my body now. I want to go back in time and be that girl that modeled her tattoos and didn't worry about showing her body. In that time I wasn't afflicted with CRPS and arthritis and my hands weren't swollen and twisted in pain. I was beautiful then. Oh how I wish I could slip back into that body I was proud of like a second skin. I would leave my gnarled hands behind along with all the weight I've gained. Oh please can't I go back again? This time I won't fall and break my arm so badly that it develops CRPS. I'll treat my body well and will remember to eat healthy and exercise. This time I'll do what I should do and won't have an illness hold me back. Please?

Chronic Pain, Repeat Gain & Loss, and Support

Who knew? source

I don't have much to report today. I'm ashamed that I keep losing and gaining the same 5-8 pounds. I need to get more focused and I need to exercise. I can work on the focus, but the exercise is something I can't physically do right now unfortunately.

Between my CRPS and this Vitamin D deficiency kicking my ass with serious pain, I simply can't exercise. There are times I can barely walk at all. So what's a chunky girl to do? Keep working on her diet, that's what. I promise to keep trying if y'all promise to stick with me through this rough patch. Here is a list of reasons for you to hang in there with me:

• I'm funny as fuck. Well, I think so anyway. Who the hell else names the pounds they lose AND their inner chunky and skinny girls. I say no one, that's who. Boom.
• I can use all the support I can get. I'm horrible at keeping on track with a lot of things including not pigging out on sweets. Is it my fault that chocolate and pie are so damn delicious?
• I'd do it for you! I am by nature a very supportive person. I think it has something to do with being a woman and chronic illness sufferer. I get it.

So there you have it. If this list didn't convince you, well then I don't know what will, people. I hope everyone had a great weekend and Easter if you celebrate the holiday. Much love to you all and I promise to do better.

Hi! I'm Mrs. One Day and I'm a Food-o-holic!

I'm gonna be 40 in May. 40! Geez, I can't believe I'm already at that point in my life. I mean, it really seems like I was just a 20-something woman with a size 8 body and the world in the palm of my hand. Now I look at that size 14 or 16 label in my jeans and get teary eyed. I've been disabled since 2008 and I see no world in my palm. That saying makes me smirk at the irony actually. You see it's my left hand/arm that have the problem. 

God I hope that's true.

                             

​I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), sometimes referred to as Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD). Quite a mouthful isn't it? If you aren't familiar with CRPS, check out this excellent information on the oh-so-helpful bandbacktogether.com, http://bandbacktogether.com/complex-regional-pain-syndrome-resources/ . Because of this, and several other, medical issues, I have a hard time with exercise. My pain is excruciating at worst and annoying as hell, at best. I have a grocery list of medical problems that I won't bore you with now, but suffice it to say, I'm a sickly chicky. It sucks and I've written about it in my personal blog, onedayimgonna.blogspot.com, which is weird because it's a humor blog. Every now and then I get a little bit intimate over there, but mostly it's about the laughs.

​So, I guess you get the general picture here. I developed CRPS in 2008 and have since gained about 40 extra pounds that I hate. I'm thinking of naming each one so that when I lose them, I can shout, "Fuck you, Ira! Off you go!" Doesn't Ira totally work as a "pound" name? Maybe I'll make a list of their names and post it. Maybe not. It's weird right? Let me get this train back on the track now. Alrighty, so I am trying my best to get rid of Ira and his fatty friends. How, you ask? Portion control and dancing which masquerades as exercise. Yay! I find that I'm having so much fun I sometimes forget that I'm working out and the next day my butt, legs, arms and back are sore as hell. That's how I know I actually did something productive for my body. Woohoo! 

We've all been here, no?

​​Bottom line is this. I have very little will power...very little. I'm a caver. I'm a rationalizaton-er. I'm a word maker upper apparently too. My tendency is to eat several things that seem "not-so-bad" throughout the day, not thinking of how they add up. I rationalize it by saying, "But it's only 50 calories!", which would be okay if it were just the one 50 calorie item. It usually isn't. I'm pretty good about the working out because, like I said before, it's fun dancing around the house!

At least THAT'S not us right?

I need this blog for support from my fellow contributers (who I adore by the way), and from readers like you. I promise to do my best and share all of my ups (and downs), if you promise to do it with me. Kick me in the ass if I need it (and I will). Give me a high five when I deserve one and dammit let's get rid of Ira and all the rest of them!

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